A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
