My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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