dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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