If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
