When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Everyone says I win the strip club
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
