why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
