Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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