it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
