The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
