oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
