the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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