i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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