Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize