I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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