I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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