i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize