While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
