This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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