If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
