You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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