I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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