I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
