omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
