did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
porn star boner night. come get it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
