I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
