definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
