when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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