so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
