She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
