so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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