Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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