I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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