I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
