I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
