your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
