And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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