im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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