I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
