first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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