I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
