He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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