Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
