Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
