but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
