Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
