he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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