She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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