I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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