Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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