I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize