Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
