the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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