Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She bit a glass in half.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
