we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize