I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
