omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
