My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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