Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
