The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
