I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
