That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
