oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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