you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
