Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize