last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
