He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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