Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I love having hate sex.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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