So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
