butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize