Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Who died my cat blue again?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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