Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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