I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
