Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
