Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
