I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
