he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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