We're like a lot better than the average bears
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
