3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize