Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
