god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
