he puts the penis in happiness.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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