Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
