I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize